1-800-Henchmen is a novella series that I started writing about two years ago and it is the first thing I have ever self-published. There are four books in the series that follow Alfie Vihar, a 18 year old high school graduate who stumbles into a job as a professional henchman. He is put on a team with some colorful characters and goes on adventures that his small-town upbringing did not prepare him for.
I really enjoyed writing Alfie and his team because they are funny, unique, smart, and bad-ass.
1-800-Henchmen is available on amazon.com and the first section of First Shot, the first in the series, can be found below. Enjoy!
******
Alfie looked up from the ad
he had clipped out of the classifieds to the large, futuristic looking building
in front of him in disbelief and back down to the ad. Its lettering was tiny,
minuscule in fact, and left much to be desired. He couldn’t help but wonder why
it was such a cheap, obscure ad when the offices looked like they were in
George Jetson’s building.
“Ah hell,
whatever. I need the job,” he muttered and walked through the glass door into
the sunlit entry way.
“Welcome to
Resources, Inc.! How can I help you?” A cheerful, pretty blond receptionist
greeted him from her place behind a stainless steel and glass counter. She was
wearing a Bluetooth headset and was typing on her keyboard without looking at
the monitor that was recessed into the desk.
“Uh, hi.
I’m Alfie Vihar. I-”
“Yes, Mr.
Vihar. Take the elevators to the fifty-third floor. Misha will meet you there.”
With a smile and not another word, the receptionist answered the phone with the
same cheery tone as she had addressed Alfie.
He stared
at her for a long second, unsure what to do. She jerked her head to the hallway
behind her without looking at him and he leaned over so he could see the
elevators around the corner. He nodded his thanks and walked around the desk
toward the polished steel doors. One opened as he approached so he stepped
inside and pressed the button for floor 53. The doors closed and opened mere
seconds later. Alfie stared in surprise at the different floor and glanced up
at the digital screen above the door to make sure he was where he was supposed
to be.
“Mr. Vihar?
I’m Misha.” Another pretty blond in a pantsuit waited just outside of the
elevator for him to disembark.
“Yeah,
sorry.” Alfie finally stepped onto the floor and looked around. There were rows
of glass-walled cubicles filled with suited people working at their desks. He
felt very underdressed in his khakis and polo as he followed Misha down the
aisle between the glass cubicles and the floor-to-ceiling plate glass windows
that illuminated the floor. He looked out the windows and could see half the
city laid out below him and the ocean beyond.
“That's a pretty prime view.
There are people who would pay seven digits or more for it.”
“Oh, yes. It is quite lovely.”
Alfie frowned at her back,
confused. It was seriously the best view he had seen in the city and she acted
like it was just a solid wall in a nice color.
“Mr. Kadish
is waiting for you.”
“Oh, sorry.
Am I late?” Alfie silently cursed himself. He needed the job and didn’t want
to be counted out because he was late for the interview.
“No. You
are early, actually. He is simply waiting for you.”
“Oh.” Alfie
bit his tongue so he wouldn’t say how weird that was to him.
“Here we
are!” Misha announced cheerfully as she stopped in front of the door to the
corner office. Alfie looked through the glass door with trepidation. He could
see a man with steel-gray hair sitting with his back to the door looking out
the window. The man’s glass-topped desk was empty except for a large
flat-screen monitor that sat on the corner and a Newton’s cradle moving where
Alfie expected a name plate to be.
Misha
knocked gently before pushing open the door. She motioned for Alfie to follow
her in. “Mr. Kadish, Mr. Vihar is here for his interview.” She said cheerfully.
The man suddenly swung his chair
around. Alfie’s jaw dropped. James Bond was sitting there with a welcoming
smile on his face.
“Thank you, Misha. Mr. Vihar, would
you like anything to drink while Misha’s here?”
“What? Oh, no. Thank you.” Alfie
barely sputtered out. He cringed to himself. Nothing like making a good
impression. At least he had spoken in passable English. The last interview he
had, he got nervous and started throwing random insults out in different
languages. He obviously didn't get the job when the interviewer coldly told him
that she spoke German and didn't appreciate being called a 'malformed trout
biscuit'.
“Alright. That will be all, Misha.
Thank you.” Mr. Kadish dismissed the woman and motioned to the empty chairs in
front of his desk.
Alfie finally remembered his
minimal interview skills and walked forward with his hand out. Mr. Kadish’s
smile broadened as he stood to shake Alfie’s hand. “Welcome to Resources, Inc.
Mr. Vihar,” Kadish started as they both settled into their chairs. “I see on
your resume that you are fluent in four languages? That’s very impressive for
somebody just about to graduate high school.”
Alfie felt the blood rush to his
face. “I know three languages but I am not fluent in any but English and
German, sir. I am fairly adept at conversational French and have just started
studying Chinese.”
“Well.” Kadish’s smile dimmed
slightly. “That is still impressive for an eighteen year old. What do you plan
on studying in college?”
“I am planning on majoring in
international business with a minor in human resources and foreign policy. That
is why I applied here for a summer job. I thought I would learn a lot that
would help me in the future.” Alfie finished his canned response, hoping it
came out naturally rather than rehearsed.
Kadish studied him for a long
minute with an unreadable expression on his face. “No.”
Alfie felt his heart plummet.
“Excuse me, sir?”
Kadish smiled and rested his elbows
on the arms of his chair with his hands crossed in front of his mouth. “The
business experience is not why you’re here. Now give me the real reason.”
Alfie struggled to swallow the
panic before he decided to throw caution to the wind. He slouched back in his
chair in defeat. “I just need a job that pays more than fifty bucks a week like
my last one. I want to backpack around Europe for the next few years and need
the funds.”
“Okay.”
“Uh, okay?”
“Yes. Okay.” Kadish grinned at
Alfie’s stunned expression. “Tell me about yourself. The real you. Not the you
that wants to major in international business.”
Alfie sighed. He knew he already
blew the interview, he figured he might as well be honest. “Mr. Kadish, I don’t
want to major in international business. In fact, that sounds like the second
most boring major possible. I want to write, which isn’t good enough for my parents
so they and I are at an impasse right now. I figured a few years traveling on
my own might help us get over that. I have spent my entire life in this corner
of California and San Luca is beginning to feel like a prison. I played
football and lacrosse in high school and I wasn’t half bad. I learned German
because a foreign language was required. I learned French to impress a girl.
I’m learning Chinese because it is used a lot in a T.V show that I like. I like
shooting guns when I have the time, which scared off the girl I learned French
for. My best friend is a girl who is nerdier and scarier with a gun than I am.
And you look like James Bond which is freaking me out a bit.”
Mr. Kadish leaned forward, a gleam
in his eyes. Alfie felt his stomach drop.
“What do you write?”
“I dabble in most genres. Haven't
really found my niche. I've-”
“Where in Europe?”
“All over, focusing on Central
Europe and the Mediterranean.”
“Get seasick?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Why German?”
“Hot German foreign exchange
student sophomore year.”
“Sight of blood make you sick?”
“Not yet.”
“What T.V. show?”
“Firefly.”
“Siblings?”
“Two brothers and a sister.”
“Parents?”
“Two of them.”
“Favorite gun?”
“1911.”
“She wasn't worth it.”
“I know.”
“Friend?”
“Almost sister.”
“Shame.”
Alfie shrugged, breaking the
rapid-fire Q&A Kadish had just thrown at him.
“What’s the first?”
Alfie frowned. “What?”
Kadish chuckled. “What’s the most
boring major possible?”
“Oh.” Alfie laughed softly.
“Anything involving math.”
“I agree.” Kadish stood up and came
around his desk to lean against it right in front of Alfie. “Well, Mr. Vihar, I
don’t think you are quite right for the summer internship program,” he began
with a small smile. “But I think I have a better job for you. Show up at that
address on Saturday at 10am.” Kadish handed Alfie a business card that simply
had the company name and an address printed on it. “Thank you for coming in and
being refreshingly honest. Most people don’t do that, even when I tell them to.
They just say what they think I want to hear.”
Alfie slowly go to his feet. “Are
you seriously giving me a job?”
Kadish laughed. “Yes, and it pays a
little more than 50 dollars a week. It won’t be what you were expecting but I
want you to give it a shot. Stay as long as you need to and then you can head
to Europe.”
“Thank you!” Alfie sputtered as he
grasped Kadish’s hand.
“You’re welcome!” Kadish motioned
to someone behind Alfie. He turned to find Misha just opening the door to
escort him out. “Oh, Mr. Vihar? Which Bond?”
“Uhh… does it matter?” Alfie
stuttered.
“Well, I very much doubt I look
like Daniel Craig. He’s a little too blond.” Kadish said with a chuckle.
Alfie laughed. “True. If I had to
pick, I’d go with a cross between Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan.”
Kadish thought about it for a long
second and nodded. “I’ll take it.” Kadish shook Alfie’s hand one more time.
“Don’t forget, Saturday at 10.”
“I won’t! Thank you!”
“This way, Mr. Vihar.” Misha guided
Alfie out the door and back to the elevator. “Welcome to Resources, Inc., Mr.
Vihar,” she said with a smile as the doors closed.
******
